1. A good Democrat is a wiretapped Democrat.
2. Woodward & Bernstein is not a law firm.
3. If you fill a leak with money, more leaks will appear.
4. Keep your friends close and your enemies on an FBI watch list.
5. Never hire a plumber to do a burglar's job.
-- Dan Moreau's work appears or is forthcoming in
Redivider, Descant, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He blogs at dlmoreau.wordpress.com