You move to a commune at the base of a mountain.
The commune offers spirituality.
They also offer a serum to be taken once a day.
The serum is said to relieve overthinking.
You take the serum five to ten times a day.
If you can think less why not think never.
If you can be happy why not go blind.
This is what's known as an overdose.
You feel you're evolving.
You speak with the high priest.
The high priest says: Pay attention to your dreams and you will find peace.
He asks that you be present in the moment.
You don't want to do that.
You take seven doses of the serum.
You go to sleep.
You see nothing.
You are a person who is ready to give up worry.
But you are not ready to give up want.
The rest of the disciples are ready to give up worry and want.
There is a difference.
You wonder if you are the biggest serum fiend who ever lived.
Everyone brings to the commune a different energy.
Yours is probably crazy.
Life is sacred and must be treated as such.
Some of the other disciples are hot.
You want them to fuck you.
You see the disciples around you having all kinds of conversations.
There is an ease about them.
Maybe it is the mountain.
You have not given the mountain time to work its magick on you yet.
You climb the mountain.
You stop to masturbate in the forest near the summit.
You are masturbating to the mountain.
When you have an orgasm you get the good serumy feeling.
You hear the mountain say DON'T WORRY BABY.
You hear the mountain say I WANT YOU.
You think about the vials of serum in your pocket.
You keep reaching into your pocket to touch the vials.
Every time you touch the vials the sun comes out.
Four shadows appear from your body.
You grow frightened.
Then the four shadows become one.
You think of angels.
You think of god.
Then you think SERUM.
There are dark hours and bright hours.
You only want the bright hours.
What kind of fool would not want that?
You will be a million people before you get to the bottom.
Melissa Broder is the author of two collections of poems, most recently Meat Heart (2012) and the forthcoming Scarecrone (2014). Poems appear or are forthcoming in the Iowa Review, Fence, Guernica, the Missouri Review, et al.
Art by Matt Bivetto. Matt Bivetto lives in Brooklyn and works at Three Kings Tattoo.